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obsidianxangel
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Name: Vermilion
Gender: Female
Interests: I like to write...just like I breathe. I can't live with out music [metal, goth, industrial, doom, visual kei, j-rock, rock, trance, darkwave, and new age]. Karate. Dreaming//the paranormal//love.life.death.
Expertise: Secrets.
Message: message me
MSN: obsidianxangel@hotmail.com
Member Since:
1/6/2006
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| I just saw how much extra money I'm getting back from all of my scholarships and grants after tuition (not after books though, but the cost of my books will be around $100-$200 because I already have several of the books I need). Let's just say that I came. Twice. It's going to be more money than I've ever had in my entire life.
I'm pretty excited for August to roll around. 
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| That's about all I can say about my first year at college as it comes to an end. Was it what I expected in August? Hell, no. Was it awesome? Yes.
I'm going to steal a quote from Frankie and say that "I have lost and gained so much in so little time." That is incredibly true of this year. I failed myself in more ways than one, but I was also victorious at times when I didn't think it was possible.
Yes, breaking up with Keegan, failing a class, getting arrested, falling further away from Ties, and going on antidepressants were definitely unexpected and some of those things were huge blows, but I am happy to say that I have taken what I can from each experience and I have used these experiences to make me a stronger person.
And then there were the things that were equally as unexpected as the above experiences: getting published, winning the undergrad writing contest, getting a B in Honors Calc I, making amends with Rachel and with Keegan, meeting some wonderful friends, taking a class with Goldbarth (and it going incredibly well), and starting to be trained to be a literary editor for Blank Zine are definite victories that I am proud to take away with me.
This was an incredibly hard year. It was terrible, but it was wonderful. As strange as it may seem, I am glad that everything happened the way it did. It has made me who I am today, and who I am today is someone that I am proud of. Even though I just ended a sentence with a preposition. :P
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| "...you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two."
must we ride alone to achieve salvation?
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| So tonight I have my first poetry reading. *gasp* One of my poems, "The Cleaner," was accepted for Poetry for the Masses and I'm reading at the release party!
Wish me luck and stuff.
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| Happy birthday.
I know you will never read this with the same fervor and admiration as you once did, if you ever read it again at all. On the off chance that you do stumble across this one day, I want you to know this:
After everything, and even though you have used weapons that I gave you in deepest confidence to hurt me in ways nobody else could--as I did to you--and even though you have betrayed yourself and your dreams more completely and more thoroughly than you ever betrayed me, I am still glad to have known you. I am still thankful to have shared two years of my life with you.
If we go the rest of our lives without speaking to each other again, I want you to know that I wish you the best. I hope that one day you will wake up and realize what you are doing to yourself and that you will find the strength to make peace with yourself. Most of all, I want you to know that although we will never be able to love the way we once did--and I don't think either of us would want that--I do still love you. That will never change, although the way I am able to express it will. I want you to be happy, and more than that, I want you to be able to be happy whether you are alone or with someone far better or far worse than I.
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